Sick Of Feeling Like A Fatass

I guess I'm just...done.
I always tell myself that I'm gonna fast after I binge.
But I think the reason for that is because I virtually have no motivation.
I mean,
nobody's gonna call me fat
since I'm technically speaking "underweight"
but that's just by number standards
I can clearly see all my thigh fat
arm fat
face fat
neck fat
etcetcetc

I need motivation.
I want to look hot in that XS black shirt before springtime. :)
And I want G to feel any sympathy for me if at all.
I told our friends about having had abusive parents as a child
but he clearly didn't care
or whatever
I really don't know
I have to get his attention somehow
Clearly

I know I post a lot on here these days
but I have nobody else to talk to
besides Summer, but we didn't text today
and I don't want to bombard her with all my lame crap about life.

I need to get G's attention
somehow
anyhow